What to Do When Your Kid Hates You All of a Sudden

When my son was almost two, he went through this phase where he didn’t anything to do with me. It was like a switch flipped overnight and he went from being my best friend to screaming if I came within a foot of him. It didn’t matter what I did or what I said—all he wanted was his dad, or anyone else for that matter. I was pregnant with our second baby at the time and the change in his behaviour hit me like punch to the gut. I can’t even remember how many times I Googled, “What to do when your kid hates you.”

Being an emotional person (times ten because of the hormones), I found myself pulling back. I felt like if he didn’t want me, then I wasn’t going to force him. So, instead of hanging around and trying to play with my baby boy, I’d leave the room. Instead of trying to reach out to him, I closed off. And instead of leaning on my husband for support, I started to resent him. It didn’t take long for my heartache to turn into anger.

My Son WantS Nothing to Do with Me… NOW WHAT?

After more than a few solo meltdowns in the bathroom sobbing over why my son wants nothing to do with me, I realized I needed to do something. I felt like I was losing myself in the emotional rollercoaster that had become my life. So, I started researching. I spent hours reading articles online, browsing through parenting forums, and talking to other moms. That’s when I realized that as hard as this phase was, it was totally normal—a good thing even.

Apparently when toddlers lash out against mom, it’s because they trust her and she’s their safe place. They know that no matter what they do or how many boundaries they push, they trust that she’ll be there no matter what. Suddenly attaching to one parent is also supposedly a sign of independence. They’re learning that it’s safe to explore their autonomy and that’s often seen as a sign of a healthy, confident child. All good things, right?

Despite knowing all of this, it didn’t help heal the sting of feeling of rejected. So, what next?

5 Things to TRY When Your Kid Hates You Suddenly

If you find yourself in a similar position, here are a few tips I learned that can help you get through it.

• Stay open and loving. I know it’s easier to just shut down and withdraw. I did. But remember, toddlers do it because they know you’ll always be there. So, be there. As hard as it is to sit around when he pushes you away, still tell your little person how much you love them and want to be with them, even if they don’t seem to feel the same way at that moment.
• Know when to step away. When you find yourself starting to feel really agitated, take a breather before you lash out. Do something that makes you feel good. For me, it was cleaning or going for a drive. Clear your head, work through the emotions, reset, and then come back and try again.
• Start a new tradition. Rather than give up on your little one, find something new that the two of you can do together. My son and I invented a new game that only he and I would play in the basement together.
• Lean on your partner. Despite my resentment toward him at the time, my husband is the one who really helped me through this phase. He encouraged me to keep trying with our son and took a step back so I could get in some solo mother-son time.
• Patience, patience, patience. Like every other challenging kid phase, this too will pass. It took a few days, but eventually my little man came around and we were back to being inseparable. If nothing else, it helped me appreciate the moments I took for granted before our little row.

This was, by far, one of the hardest phases of motherhood for me, but we got through it. I’d be lying if I said he doesn’t still have days where it’s all about dad. The only difference is that now I know how to manage it better and it makes it easier for me to work through. I also know that as my kids get older, I may have to find new solutions for what to do when your kid hates you—teenage years, right? But I have faith that by sticking to these basic guiding principles, we’ll get through that, too.

If you’re going through this phase yourself, hang in there, mama, and know that it won’t last forever. Try out the tips above and let me know if they work!